LEMONIPSUM

All God’s children are terrible. How good? Like, Judaism-good, or just, like, Unitarian? I don't know Jack, would I have to wear high heel shoes? Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me and then he's gonna kill you and then he's gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us. If you're looking to sneak out the window, it doesn't open. I already tried it. What is this, Jabba's pleasure skiff?

Really? I already have a drink. Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks? I thought we understood that you are never to think that I understand anything! If reality TV has taught us anything, it’s that you can’t keep people with no shame down. I'd like you all to meet Tom. Tom Selleck. He's my moustache. It's my imitation of Drew Barrymore's impression of that crazy lady. Well when you put it like that, with the mean voice and all...

Ugh, are you listening to me? Because if you're not, I will put on a wedding dress and jump in front of a subway! Cause living a lie will eat you up inside. Like that parasite I got from eating sushi on Amtrak. Ugh, Julia Roberts in a movie about eating? Give me Kirstie Alley, somebody who knows what she's doing. I’m 37, please don’t make me go to Brooklyn. Okay, fine, maybe I’m a little old-fashioned. I’m sorry I’m a real woman and not some over-sexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn’t mean I don’t love America. [winks at camera]