LEMONIPSUM

What is this, Jabba's pleasure skiff? Shut it down. I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider it erotica. Lovers... oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza. My work self is suffocating my life-me. My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.

Get out of here so i can take my shoes off. I'd like you all to meet Tom. Tom Selleck. He's my moustache. I am a freelancer, which is pretty much a modern day cowboy. There was some confusion and I ended up punching the real Levar Burton. Hey, nerds! Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi. Hey, nerds! Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi.

My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn’t mean I don’t love America. [winks at camera] Shut it down. You know I can’t wear green, Jenna! The Clinique lady says I have witch undertones. What is this, Jabba's pleasure skiff? All God’s children are terrible.