LEMONIPSUM

You can’t be gay for just one person. Unless you’re a lady, and you meet Ellen. There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory! One of my New Year’s resolutions is to say “yes!” Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more! If I have learned anything from my Sims family: When a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself. I'm not the one you call when you want to go clubbing on the town and party-dance all night. Great news Jack. I've got a new life philosophy that I call Lizbianism.

Blerg! If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down. My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season. There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory! It’s great to be here at the beautiful Waldorf Astoria. I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic. I’m 37, please don’t make me go to Brooklyn.

Cause living a lie will eat you up inside. Like that parasite I got from eating sushi on Amtrak. Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like overtipping and supporting Barack Obama. Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich. It’s great to be here at the beautiful Waldorf Astoria. I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic. We’re all getting hot dogs! What, do you think there's two lines and we're all in this line and you're the only genius that got in the other line? I was going to take this class called Cooking for One, but the teacher killed himself.